my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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