I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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