I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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