i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
