I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
