Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
