Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
