I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
