That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
