the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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