Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
