Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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