Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
