you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
