That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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