so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
