I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
