call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
