just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
