How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
