RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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