In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize