Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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