i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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