We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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