I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
