She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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