I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
