I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
