when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
