By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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