No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".