I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.