So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
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im having a threesome with these popsicles
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.