Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.