There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
