He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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