Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
