listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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