my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
