and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
porn star boner night. come get it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
