i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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