Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
