my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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