end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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