I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
