4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
