I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
