I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
