the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
