I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
