I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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