$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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