make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
