How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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