Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
