Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
